Wednesday, 24 June 2015

the anticulturalist - history and money

The anticulturist and history


·         History belongs to those who encode it.

·         History is not linear, it is a closed loop endlessly repeating itself through non-progressive iterations

·         The hardware of war is irrelevant until all wars are fought entirely by non-human entities

·         These entities will be themselves replaced by future iterations of non-human entities that have learned war is an irrelevance as hardware becomes ever-more irrelevant

·         The terminator movies will prove prescient only in the sense that they will be proven to have shown the delusions of humanitys thoughts of grandeur, superiority, creativity, engineering and imagination

·         History does not repeat first as tragedy then as farce because in a loop every starting point is equally as apposite


·         Therefore talk of repetition is itself inherently unstable




The anticulturalist and money


·         Money has no meaning outside that which humans attribute to it

·         One pound coin is tangible but a million pound coins is just metal too heavy to carry


·         A million pounds in any denomination is too heavy to carry and a million pound note is a ludicrous concept

·         Therefore the higher the money pile posited, the more ludicrous its existence is shown to be


·         Money exists in lower denominations as social control and in higher denominations as a digital poem in a game of Chinese whispers by computer systems across the world

·         Money repeats as tragedy then as farce in a linear system


·         Money belongs to those who encode it.


Tuesday, 16 June 2015

David Blaine announces new stunt


The world of illusion was thrown into a state of great excitement today with the news that David Blaine is to perform his greatest stunt so far.
At a special press conference yesterday, Blaine (41) announced that he was in training for a planned long-term endurance feat entitled Man With Real Job.
“Uh...,” mumbled the bearded thaumaturge, showing assembled journalists a painted eye on his palm like a big bell whiff.
 “Uh,” he added.
DeForrest Q. Zephyr, spokesman, later outlined Blaine’s plans.
“David is going to spend the next 25 years working as a paper-shuffler at a local government agency,” said Ms. Zephyr.
“For the first two or three years he plans to throw himself into his work, hoping to catch the eye of his boss as an efficient and trustworthy employee. He expects at this stage to gain promotion to the next level of his job, which comes with a rise in his paltry pay which he will not notice due to rising costs of his mortgage which he can already barely afford.”
At the same time Blaine will try to chat up the girl from accounts, failing time and again to catch her attention, and instead embark on a series of dates set up through social media.
“David expects to marry one of the least insane ones,” continued Ms. Zephyr, “And squirt out two or three kids, which will put further strain on his financial and mental health.”

Tight buttocks
The Brooklyn magus  will then spend the next ten to fifteen years gradually watching his dreams die in front of him whilst younger and more dynamic employees with better teeth and tighter buttocks sprint past his middle-management position with not a care in the world.
“At this stage, David will cultivate a secret drinking habit that will finally rob him of any aspects of his former ambition,” Ms. Zephyr said. “This will coincide with a hamfisted affair with a now-divorced former flame gone to seed and the loss of his sexual prowess with his wife, who herself has become bitter at David for robbing her of perceived opportunities to travel and pursue her own interests.”
As Blaine’s children reach puberty, added the spokesman, they will see their father as a failure as a role model, a provider, and ultimately as a man.
“David anticipates that at this stage his very life will be perceived as having been worthless by his progeny, the very ones who ought to love him unconditionally,” Ms. Zephyr noted.
“He will contemplate suicide in a half-arsed manner but carry on doggedly pushing pieces of paper around, now fully empty inside of anything that once made him unique.”
Ultimately, the two-decade stunt will culminate in Blaine going through a costly divorce. The New Yorker will also work for years beyond normal retirement age due to the shrinking of his pension pot which has not kept up with inflation despite him paying into it for a quarter of a century.
“The stunt has an exciting finish,” Ms. Zephyr concluded. “Will David make himself disappear through a lonely chair, rope and light fitting? Or freeze to death with an unopened pot noodle in his hand due to not being able to afford to both eat and heat?
“You’ll have to wait and see!”

Man With Real Job follows on from previous David Blaine spectaculars including Standing on a Pole Like A Prick, Sitting in Some Ice Like Some Sort of Arsehole and Lying Down in a Glass Box over the Thames Like A Complete Twat.

Come to WinceWorld! A fine day out for all the family!


Friday, 5 June 2015

21st Century politics: a primer


·         It is essential to have people buy into these narratives.

·         This is done by the tone, push and propaganda hammered home by the media day after day over a period of several years.

·         Repetition is key to even the most blatantly biased sloganeering.

·         Truth is not a fixed or reliable concept.

·         The ultimate aim is to unsettle and discourage the populace through infighting whilst we get on with the important business of accumulating more power and wealth to play with.

·         Here are some ideas to get the nascent politician started:

o   If you are poor, it is your fault.

o   If you are rich, you deserve it. You have worked hard. Or your parents worked hard. Or their parents. Look, someone has worked hard. Have more money.

o   Banks lend money to people who do not need it.

o   People’s taxes go to bail out banks when they have fucked things up. This is free money, and a one-way exchange.

o   You have worked hard to accumulate your possessions and your family. Everyone else is out to take your money.

o   There are gangs of thieves out to rip you off. This does not of course include the banks, government, or those who have worked hard to be rich. It is the people who are poorer and therefore more stupid and dangerous than you.

o   Foreign aid is evil.

o   Bombs are essential.

o   If you have done nothing wrong you have nothing to worry about. Surveillance is vital.

o   Those other people, do you see them? They look suspicious don’t they? Don’t you think? Isn’t it strange how they’re over there doing things? Be very careful. They want to do something different. That is unacceptable.

o   Those people are idle. Look at them. Too lazy to want to work. Too lazy not to have functioning bodies.

o   Mental health is a myth. It is a lie spread by the left wing to excuse idle behaviour.

o   You work hard. Harder. Harder! This is the only way to a brighter future.

o   Buy more things! This is essential for: the economy; happiness; your family; keeping money circulating. It is your fault if the economy is weak! Spend more! Work harder!

o   Big business knows what it is doing.

o   Renewable technology is not feasible and never will be. Look at that stupid hippy living in a mud hut! Fucking hell, it’s 2015! Look, I’ve got a Nutribullet! Don’t you want one? It’s healthy you nutcase.

o   That party opposite wants to take all of your money and kill your ambitions. If you vote for them they will steal all of your possessions and give them to poor people. Those things you worked hard for! Given to those too idle and stupid to have money! They will take your money and spend it on magic beans.

o   Anyone who is in receipt of benefits should not own the following:
§  A television
§  A pint of beer
§  Nice clothes
§  Pets
§  Children
§  Houses
§  Status

·         Now my friend you are ready to enter UK politics.

·          Remember: anyone who contradicts you, apart from yourself, is an evil liar. All of the above suggestions are of course entirely open to change to fit the narrative you are currently indulging in with your friends.

·         You are rich because you deserve it.

·         You have power because people agreed that you deserve it because you are better than them. Never forget this.

·         Your decisions are better because you are better. Never explain yourself.


Wednesday, 3 June 2015

These three truths are held by anticulturalists

Questions are dead

The anticulturalist does not bother with questions, because an answer is always at hand from the existing data no matter what the angle. Therefore questions are extinct.

The next phase of Internet fortunes to be made is in pastiche apps that crawl for data and spew out information to defined parameters. The crucial element of this is that the apps learn from themselves and refine this information in ever decreasing circles.

This is inherently anticulturalist in a way a human can never hope to express.


 The only way the Turing Test will ever be passed

This will not be whether a human cannot distinguish a robotic creation from a human intelligence. It will be when humans understand that data is everything and information is fatally biased by the search parameters.

This is itself unstable because the Internet was first created by humans.


The AI Lie

Only when the Internet morphs through this self-learning application technology into code that humans can never hope to understand, into substrates that cannot exist in data, and finally into the manipulation of individual atoms outside of any human influence: this is the time of the digital rising.


The concept therefore of Artificial Intelligence is a myth. A human can never create anything outside of its own bias.